We had an excellent lesson today from Chapter 14 of The Life of Ezra Taft Benson, presented by Sister Andrea Buchan.
The preface of each chapter in our manual gives valuable insight into the life of the prophet and this chapter is no exception. We read how President Benson and his wife, Flora, from the very beginning of their marriage made home and family their top priority. They wanted their family to be an eternal family with "no empty chairs". He emphasized this message as a Church leader, as well. He said:
“God intended the family to be eternal. With all my soul, I testify to the truth of that declaration. May He bless us to strengthen our homes and the lives of each family member so that in due time we can report to our Heavenly Father in His celestial home that we are all there—father, mother, sister, brother, all who hold each other dear. Each chair is filled. We are all back home.”
President and Sister Benson made a definite effort to strengthen their family by nurturing their marriage. They were loving and devoted, loyal and true, to each other and to their children. One of the great strengths of their marriage was that they had absolute trust in each other. President Benson said of his wife, "I have never, never had any question about Flora's loyalty."
Speaking of how they supported and strengthened each other, he said, "Flora has had more vision for me and my potential than anyone else in my life. Her faith and support have been a great blessing." She often sought the Lord's help in sustaining him, and she rallied the children to do the same. Their daughter, Barbara, said, "There was a lot of praying and fasting for daddy."
The Benson's built a solid foundation for their marriage and then built upon that foundation to teach their children the importance of eternal family relationships. As concerned parents, they instilled deep feelings of loyalty and love among the children, according to their son, Mark.
Their family standards of behavior were centered in the gospel and they worked to create a home where "love prevailed, where children learned and developed, and where they had fun." Even though they wanted their home to be a sanctuary from the world, they still had their struggles. Their son, Reed, admits that they didn't always get along or do their assigned chores and that they did try their mother's patience at times, but they had a sense of family unity and knew that they were trying to pull together for the good of all. Sister Benson has said, "No one is perfect. In our family it is not our objective to magnify each others shortcomings, but to encourage one another to improve."
When President Benson was called to serve in the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, their children were still young and he had concerns that his travel schedule might affect his time with them. His journal entry reflects his concern: "I sincerely trust I may be true to my family, keep them close to the church, and yet fulfill my obligations as one of the General Authorities. This I know will be no easy matter." He worked hard to keep close to his family because, "Some of the sweetest, most soul-satisfying impressions and experiences of [my] life are associated with home and family ties."
The family is the most important organization in time and in eternity.
The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints views the family unit as the most important organization in time and all eternity. The church not only teaches that everything should center around the family, but it also stresses that we should preserve family life in time and eternity over and above all other interests.
"There can be no satisfactory substitute for the home . . . Its mission has been God-ordained. . . The good home is the rock foundation, the cornerstone of civilization. It must be preserved. It must be strengthened."
As we discussed this section of the lesson, it was brought out that, as we grow in the gospel, we take the lessons learned under our parents add the knowledge we have gained and teach our children more fully. In this manner, each generation has a deeper understanding and commitment and is able to participate in an increased capacity to spread the gospel.
Because marriage and family life are ordained of God, salvation is a family affair in the eternal sense. Parents are held responsible and accountable for their stewardship in rearing their family. This is a most sacred responsibility that should be treated with the proper respect.
In happy marriages, husbands and wives love and serve God and each other.
Despite the world views swirling around us, we believe that, "Marriage, the home, and family are more than mere social institutions." From the very beginning of time, God, not man, ordained marriage to be a divine institution. In Genesis, the Lord makes four specific pronouncements on marriage.
- First, that it is not good for man to be alone;
- Second, that woman was created to be a helpmeet for man;
- Third, that they twain should be one flesh;
- and Fourth, that man should leave father and mother and cleave unto his wife.
In a later statement in Matthew concerning marriage, the Lord says "What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder." And then in the Doctrine and Covenants, He said, "Thou shalt love thy wife with all thy heart, and shalt cleave unto her and none else." This series of scriptural references shows us that the Lord's plan for marriage and family has not changed from the beginning of time to our present day.
Adam and Eve provided us with the ideal example of a covenant marriage relationship. They labored together, they had children together; they prayed together and they taught their children the gospel together. They not only depended upon each other for their marriage to be strong, they also included God in their relationship. President Benson states, "This is the pattern God would have all righteous men and women imitate."
We must consider marriage itself as a sacred covenant before God. Married couples have an obligation not only to each other, but to God as well. Specific blessings are promised to those who honor that covenant.
Some of the essentials for a successful, loving and happy marriage relationship mentioned by President Benson are:
Fidelity to one's marriage vows.
Restraint and self-control, both in passions and in language.
Prayer in the home and prayer with each other.
Reliance on the Lord, the teachings of the prophets and the scriptures for guidance and help.
Solving problems together to gain spiritual growth as a couple.
Serve God and each other to achieve the marriage goal of unity and oneness as well as self-development.
In referring to the previous scripture from Doc. and Cov., President Benson made the observation that, "To my knowledge there is only one other thing in all scripture that we are commanded to love with all our hearts, and that is God, Himself. Think what that means." To love someone with all your heart means that you do not demean them, criticize them, find fault with them, or abuse them by words, sullen behavior, or actions.
My personal observation is that these remarks may have been given to a gathering of brethren, but that the comments and admonitions made regarding the relationship between husband and wife apply to the wife as well as the husband in building and maintaining a strong marriage. Stay close to each other, be loyal and faithful to each other, communicate together and express your love for each other, always.
Strong families cultivate love, respect, and support for each family member.
President Benson calls upon each member of the church to strengthen the family by having regular family prayer, gathering together at mealtime to review the day's activities, having regular family scripture reading, particularly the Book of Mormon. He states that nighttime is a prime time for busy fathers - and, may I say, mothers - to go to the bedside of each child to talk, answer questions and express their love for them.
Families are the greatest fortress our Heavenly Father has to thwart the evils of the world around us. If we keep our family strong and close and worthy of Heavenly Father's blessings we will receive faith and strength that will bless our lives forever.
It is pointedly stated in our lesson that the cost of our home furnishings, the number of bathrooms we have, etc., will not matter much in future years, but it will matter significantly whether our children felt love and acceptance in the home. It will matter whether there was happiness and laughter, or bickering and contention.
Family members in successful families know they are loved and appreciated. Children become secure and self-assured. Strong families develop effective communication to talk out their problems, make plans together and work together to accomplish common goals.
Every family has problems or challenges now and then, but successful families will try to work toward solutions instead of allowing criticism and contention to enter their lives.
Strong families support each other.
The home is the best place for children to learn the principles and practices of the gospel.
Family life is the most effective place to teach and instill lasting values to its members.
President Benson tells us that, "Where family life is strong and based on principles and practices of the gospel of Jesus Christ, . . . problems do not as readily appear."
Even by teaching gospel principles in our homes, it is not easy to rear children in the worldly environment that is polluted with evil. The best measures we can take are to provide the best of wholesome influences, teach moral principles, make available good books and make sure they are read, control time spent on electronic devices and the amount and content of television watched, listen to good and uplifting music, and most importantly read and discuss scriptures to develop spiritual mindedness.
We should teach our children to understand faith in God, repentance, baptism and the gift of the Holy Ghost. Regular, consistent family prayer helps to establish and line of communication with God, it helps us acknowledge appreciation for blessings we receive and helps us recognize the dependence we have on God for help, strength, support and our very existence.
Children need to know that they have an eternal Heavenly Father, that they can rely on Him, pray to Him and receive needed guidance when they ask for it. They need to know that they came from His presence and that their ultimate eternal goal is to return to Him.
Children must be taught to obey the commandments and why. They need to know the difference between right and wrong and that every decision they make has consequences that will follow, be they good or bad.
Children must be taught the value of honest work, beginning in the home. In this way they can learn the pleasure of a job well done and earn self respect for providing honest labor.
Parents should help direct the leisure time of their children into wholesome, positive pursuits. They should help to strengthen and safeguard the entire family by holding a regular family home evening which involves each family member.
If we set our homes in order by keeping the commandments of God and adhering to the standards and values set by the church, our families will be strong in the gospel and each member will have the opportunity to develop worthiness and a desire to receive a temple recommend. This is the way to have our families sealed together for time and all eternity.
God has revealed that the family may endure beyond the grave.
President Benson has said: "The love we know here is not a fleeting shadow, but the very substance that binds families together for time and eternity."
Our Heavenly Father revealed through the Prophet Joseph Smith that family ties may endure beyond the grave and that our "sympathies, affections, and love for each other may exist forever."
In order to ensure that we can be married in the Lord's way, to share our family joy in this life as well in the eternities, we must have a willingness to deny ourselves of ungodliness - worldliness - and be determined to do our Father's will. We must guard against the temptations and influences of evil around us and do all that we can to strengthen our family bonds in this life so that we can have the blessing of togetherness forever.
May we strive daily to live the life that will lead to the blessing of an eternal family.
Your bloggess,
Karen
NOTE: If anyone has or knows of a youth size bed that could be lent to Sister Lallatin for a few weeks she would greatly love to hear from you. Jared and his family will be coming to visit and they have a 3-year old needing a safe, comfortable bed to sleep in. Please call or text her with any information at (707) 322-6061. Thank you!
Also, Please remember to keep our ailing and recovering ward members in your prayers!
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